Monday, December 20, 2010

#reverb10 - December 19 Healing

Prompt:  What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

(Author: Leonie Allan)

I made a commitment to writing every day during the month of December using the #reverb10 prompts.  What was #reverb10 supposed to do?  "reflect on this year & manifest what's next"    Sounds like a pretty good exercise and, in fact, I enjoyed the first ten or so prompts.  It gave me a chance to do exactly what was promised - a bit of reflecting on the year and a few goals to reach for in the new year.  I was enjoying each session of writing and feeling pretty good until...I realized that what I was being "forced" to do, if I wanted to play along, was to throw some pretty heavy stuff out there for the whole world (or at least the three readers I may have) to see. 

Admitting to yourself what you'd like to change is one thing but to continually have to think about ways you are messed up and how you can fix yourself is, frankly, pretty depressing.  Especially in a month where I'm supposed to be feeling all warm and fuzzy and Christmas-y.  I have remained pretty excited about the season in spite of each night's self-reflection  I  found myself sighing about the icky stuff I was forced to bring forth in order to answer the prompts.  But I was an exercise in writing with a topic already chosen.  Slowly however, I was beginning to dread the point of the night where I had to sit down and spill out some other deep dark secret about myself.  So I delayed on a few of the prompts until the next day or the next evening.  In fact, right now I'm only one night behind. quote the great B.B. King, the thrill is gone. 

I was still enjoying the writing part, just not the subject.  I was thinking maybe I am a failure at blogging.  How hard could it be to follow the simple prompt and write a bit of drivel?  So for the first time, I started to seek out my fellow reverbers and I found out something.  I wasn't alone!  Others were  uninspired, disenchanted and feeling a little uncomfortable about laying it all out there.  Too much navel-gazing as Shauna so aptly pointed out (the link will take you to her post on this topic).  So the blogger that gave me the inspiration to do this has also given me the permission to NOT do it.  Not that I need Shauna's permission  (I've never met her and she surely doesn't know me) or anyone else's permission.  It just felt great to read the comments on her blog post that very closely matched my feelings. 

I'm going to attempt to loosely follow the prompts each day for the rest of the month because this commitment was more about writing every day than to actually follow #reverb10's plan.  I appreciate the opportunity it's given me so far for refection and manifestation but I think it's been said more than once! 

So for today's prompt on healing, I think my healing for 2010 happened today, all of a sudden when I gave myself permission to stop navel gazing and get on with the excitement of the holiday season.  As for 2011, I hope that if I undertake something like this again and it's not working, that I will recognize it sooner this time and give myself permission to make it work in my own way. 

No comments: